💔 The Good Mum Myth: Why “Am I a Good Mum?” Is the Wrong Question

💔 The Good Mum Myth: Why “Am I a Good Mum?” Is the Wrong Question

You’re not failing — you’re just trying to meet impossible standards.

If you’ve ever looked around and thought “How does she do it all?” while you’re reheating the same coffee for the third time, welcome to the club.

Modern motherhood comes with invisible rules — the kind no one voted on, but everyone feels pressured to follow. Be nurturing but not overprotective. Be patient but never tired. Be career-driven but always available.

This is the Good Mum Myth — and it’s quietly exhausting millions of mothers around the world.

đŸŒȘ The Origins of the “Good Mum” Myth

The idea of the “good mother” isn’t new.
Sociologists trace it back to the 19th century when motherhood became a moral badge — women were praised for self-sacrifice, silence, and service.

Fast-forward to today, and that same ideology just got a digital facelift.
We scroll through perfectly curated lunches, Montessori play corners, and mums who somehow “bounce back” two weeks postpartum.

📊 In a 2022 global survey by BabyCenter, over 78% of mothers admitted to feeling “mum guilt” weekly, and 63% said social media increased their feelings of inadequacy.

And in Australia, a 2023 ReachOut report found that 2 in 3 mums say they feel constant pressure to live up to the “perfect parent” ideal — even though they know it’s unrealistic.

🧠 Why It Hurts Us (and Our Kids)

Psychologists call this “performance-based parenting.”
Dr. Becky Kennedy (clinical psychologist and author of Good Inside) explains that when parents chase perfection, they often lose the thing kids need most — connection.

“Children don’t need perfect parents,” she writes. “They need safe, attuned ones who can repair when things go wrong.”

When we focus on being good, we forget to feel good.
And when we’re burnt out, dysregulated, and self-critical, our children mirror that energy — not our meal plans.

đŸ§© Research from the University of Queensland shows that maternal stress directly impacts a child’s emotional regulation, even in toddlers.
But here’s the hopeful part — maternal self-compassion reverses that effect.
When you treat yourself kindly, your child’s stress levels drop too.

🔄 The Comparison Trap

“Mum guilt” is one of the most googled phrases in parenting.
It’s the modern epidemic no one talks about over school pick-up lines.

Social psychologist Dr. BrenĂ© Brown calls comparison “the thief of joy,” and in motherhood, it’s also the thief of peace.

When we scroll through highlight reels, we compare our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s edited moments.
That’s like comparing your Monday laundry pile to someone else’s professional photo shoot.

💬 The Truth: “Good” Is a Moving Target

The idea of a “good mum” keeps shifting — across generations, cultures, and even seasons of your life.

  • In the 90s, “good” meant home-cooked lunches.

  • In the 2000s, it meant balanced work-life.

  • In 2025, it might mean simply showing up — messy bun and all.

Good motherhood isn’t measured in milestones; it’s felt in the moments your child reaches for you first.

💡 The Science of “Good Enough”

Psychologist Donald Winnicott coined the term “good enough mother” in the 1950s — and it’s still one of the healthiest parenting frameworks today.

He found that when parents respond to most (not all) of a child’s needs, it actually builds resilience.
Perfection deprives children of small moments of frustration — the very moments that teach emotional growth.

So no, your child won’t be scarred because you served toast for dinner.
They’ll be fine — and probably funny.

đŸ§˜â™€ïž How to Break the Myth (Without Breaking Yourself)

1.    Redefine “good.”
o    Write your own motherhood values — not the internet’s.
o    What really matters to you? (Hint: it’s not matching outfits.)
2.    Talk back to guilt.
o    When guilt hits, ask: “Is this a standard I chose or absorbed?”
o    If it’s not yours, let it go.
3.    Let your kids see you rest.
o    They learn more from your boundaries than your burnout.
4.    Build your village.
o    The antidote to comparison is community — real mums, real mess, real support.

💬 A MumHack Reminder

You don’t need to do it all — you just need to be there.
And on the days you can’t be perfect (which is every day, by the way), remember:
Connection beats perfection. Always.

💌Join the MumHack Movement

At MumHack, we believe in making motherhood lighter — not lonelier.
From products that simplify your day to content that reminds you you’re enough — this is your space to breathe, laugh, and be seen.

👉 Join the MumHack community for weekly “real talk” hacks, gentle reminders, and practical tools to make motherhood simpler, not perfect.
💬 Because every mum deserves a little help.

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